This chapter of the book really intrigued me because I felt very much this way when my daughter was younger. It mentions how women tend to lose their identity when they get married or have children. Instead of being you, now you have become John's wife or Johnny's mom.
To illustrate their findings, the authors asked a number of subjects (all women) to describe themselves. Each one started with.... I am Jane Doe, a mother of 3, married to John Doe, who is a carpenter, etc.... You notice that the person identifies herself by what she does, not who she is.
Hardly ever do you see these women describing themselves as blonde, tall, brunette, etc. Another observation was that the young mothers who were oppressed by their husbands tended to always answer by giving more information about their husband then themselves.
It is not a surprise, since some of these women do not go to school or work, so their entire life is surrounded by what they do, rather than who they are.
If we looked at pictures of ourselves as teenagers, maybe we had a style, we liked certain hobbies, etc. As a young teenage mother and wife of a very abusive husband, I was very much like these young ladies. I had completely lost myself.
I found my voice when I left him and returned to school. I started feeling my self worth, rather than only being someone's mom or someone's wife.
Andrea,
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your post I thought there is an entire generation of women that went through their life referring to herself as Mrs. insert husband name here. The woman's identity completely dependent on her spouse.
I debated for quite some time on whether to take my spouses name and lose the identity that was uniquely mine. Ironically, when I divorced there was a sense of pride in reclaiming my maiden name and consequently my true identity.
You'd think in today's world that would be different. But if you ask me who I am - I'm "chloe's mom". Personal identity subordinated to that of my daughter.
Kirsten
Kirsten,
ReplyDeleteI find myself saying " I am Lizzy's mom" a lot. LOL. Most of her friends have no idea what my name is, they just introduce me as Lizzy's mom to everyone else. I guess I should start introducing myself as Andrea and see if they react differently :)